Saturday, May 21, 2011

Break

I have started more posts than I have finished in the last few months.  I had been working on a Mother's day post, but don't have much motivation.  I enjoy keeping a record of my family and putting pictures up for friends and family to see.  I have just been feeling like everything is so trite and it is weird to post about our unimportant day to day stuff in light of the loss of Andrew.  Things that used to matter to me, just don't matter anymore.  We miss Andrew so much.  It is like I have a constant hole in my heart and it is hard somedays to move on.  I have really been enjoying reading a blog called, The Sunshine Promises.  This families 20 month old died in the same way Andrew did, a month after he did.  She is such a good writer and is able to express herself so well.  There have been multiple posts where she has written exactly what is in my heart.  Things are still pretty unreal.  I am reminded every once in a while how real it is when I find Andrew's hair from a past hair cut in a garbage can hidden in the garage, or when the WIC office calls and tells me it is time for Andrew's appointment.  I miss him so much and am so grateful for the comfort I am blessed with that helps this to be bearable.
I had a great Mother's day.  I thought a lot about Andrew and how grateful I am to be his Mom.  We spent the day in Wenatchee, and we were able to talk with both of Eric's brothers who are on missions.   I'm very grateful for my Mom (above) and her wonderful example.  I am also thankful for Eric's mom (below) and her love for us and that she raised the perfect husband for me.  You can't see Eric's mom that well in the picture, but I wanted to have a picture where they were holding Andrew.  Throughout the last five months (I can't believe today is five months) they have been so kind, loving, and helpful to us.  We really appreciate their love and support.


Jared is 8 months old now.  I can't believe it.  He is such a chunky baby, and we love it.  He is such a blessing to us.  I can't imagine how much harder things would be for us if we didn't have him in our family.  Aubs, Tann, and Trav can't get enough of him.  They each love him so much and seem to also appreciate him so much. Jared is always happy and smiley.  He now has his two bottom teeth.  He is such a snuggly boy, and we are so grateful for him.  Every night when we put Jared to sleep, we always sing to him.  I sing I am a Child of God and all the kids always come in and sing it with me.


Travis is almost 3 and a half now.  He loves animals, especially tigers.  He loves to color and draw.  He loves to do whatever Tanner is doing.  They are becoming really good buddies.  Travis loves books and memorizes them after a few readings.  Travis still talks about Andrew all of the time.  He will come up to us and say, "I miss buddy boy."  We have a painting of Christ when he was a child and it looks a lot like Andrew.  The other morning, Travis looked at it and asked us how Andrew got into the picture.  

Tanner is just over 4 and a half and is so full of personality.  He has the loudest, most excited "hello's".  He is always happy and becoming quite the gentlemen.  He LOVES Jared so much.  Tanner is always running at Jared or making faces at him to make him smile and laugh.  He is starting to play really good in Aubree's make believing.  They'll play "house" together for a long time.  Tanner has the most infectious laugh.  He speaks of Andrew often, and I think he takes his sadness of missing Andrew and makes himself that much better of a big brother to Jared.


 Aubree is almost 5 and a half.  Most of the time she acts as if she is twice her age.  She is the perfect big sister to all her little brothers.  She is such a nurturer to all of them, especially to Jared.  I completely trust her with him and she does of great job of taking care of his needs.  Aubree misses Andrew so much and it breaks my heart.  She will randomly be really sad and cry and just say she misses Andrew.  Most of the time she handles things perfectly.  We often talk about what it will be like when we see Andrew again.  When I was singing, I am a Child of God, to Jared the other night, the kids came in his room to sing with me, and at the end, where it say "Teach me all that I must do to live with Him someday,"  Aubree instead sang, "Teach me all that I must do to live with Andrew someday."  It was so cute.



 The rest of the post is mostly updates from the last few weeks.  Eric hasn't been as busy this quarter, so we have been able to see him for an hour or two on Saturdays and it has been fun to explore Seattle.  We went to the Ballard Locks and a fish ladder that is there.  The locks are a sort of boat elevator.  We enjoyed watching the boats go up and down.



I got a Easter sugar cookie set on clearance, and the kids had fun decorating the cookies.


On any given day, Travis wants to be a tiger, Spiderman, or Woody.  I found him with his Woody hat on riding a tiny horse around the house.
We went to Spokane last week for my sister, Leslie's, wedding reception.  On our way, we stopped and spent a day in Wenatchee at the Nygards.  Whenever we go to Wenatchee, we always go to Andrew's grave.  This particular time, I got each of the kids their own balloon that they could send to Andrew.  I love hearing them talk about what Andrew would do with them when he got them.  Aubree told the boys to send their thoughts up to Andrew with the balloons.  

In Spokane, the kids got to spend a lot of time with their cousins.  
Aubree asked me to take this picture to put on the blog.  I love that Leah has a make-shift sling.  
My mom made some of her famous chocolates for the reception.  The kids loved helping her dip them.  Travis was very methodical in his help and didn't eat any of them during the process.  Aubs and Tann, on the other hand, ruined their lunch.
Tanner's favorite part was throwing the centers into the chocolate.
Jared and Sara at the reception.  We sure love and appreciate our Sara!

Aubree and Claire at the entrance to the reception, welcoming people.
Leslie let me make her cakes for the reception.  There was a lot of heavy cream used...  The one on the left is a chocolate, peanut butter, and Reeses.  The one on the right is a strawberry shortcake.

             Leslie and Tanner during their first dance.  They are so cute together.  I love how Tanner is looking at Leslie in the picture on the right and classic Les on the left.
My parents have some random monkey costumes that the grandkids love to play in.  I love how the "monkeys" are attacking Travis in the picture above with Isaac coming closer and in the picture below Travis had gotten away and Isaac was now getting it.

I sat Jared in the toy drawer while I cleaned up stuff in our garage, and I turned around and Travis was sitting with him in it.  Jared is a patient boy.

The weather in Seattle this week has been really nice.  We try to find a new park everyday.   
 Travis helped spin Tanner in this spinner seat.  

Jared loved the swings.  If you look close you can see his two new bottom teeth.
When we were in Spokane, Aubree spent the night at my sister, Amy's house.  While there she rode bikes with her cousins.  Most of Amy's kids can ride a 2-wheeler, so when we got home Aubree wanted to take her training wheels off.  Not even 24-hours after taking the wheels off, she was riding all over.  I can't believe how grown-up Aubree is.
 ANDREW MEMORY: The day before Andrew died was Aubree's birthday.  She and I had gone to Sonic for a birthday kids meal.  When we got home, she shared her slushee with Andrew.  She was following Andrew all around taking care of him and giving him a drink when he needed one.  He kept climbing up the stairs and then Aubree would put him on her lap to let him ride back down to the bottom.  She was so soft and sweet with Andrew.  He loved/loves her so much.

6 comments:

Melanie said...

I LOVE the updates and I LOVE the Andrew stories. You guys are awesome. Our prayers are still with you. :)

Life Happens said...

I found your blog shortly after Andrew left this world and I have been reading it ever since. Tonight, I re-read it from the time that Andrew was placed with your family. You guys seem like such an amazing family. My heart just breaks for the pain and loss that you have experienced. I will be praying for your continued strength and healing.
Love,
Evonne in Cheney, WA.

bowman family said...

Jenny- I love your blog and your sweet family. You give me strength! Mason was recently called to be our gospel doctrine teacher and used your story as an example of faith during trials and what faith you have!!! We are praying for you and your family.

Mason & Kim Bowman

Anonymous said...

I'm so terribly sorry for you loss. Andrew was precious! My husband and I are interested in adopting, but are having trouble trying to figure out the financial aspects, since we're both still in school. Since you've been so open about adoption (thank you for that!), I'm wondering if you would maybe blog as to how you were able to afford the adoptions of 3 of your children. (I also noticed you said "WIC" so am assuming you also used state and/or federal financial help afterward?) Many thanks and you are in my prayers daily, along with your beautiful family. Andrew was a very lucky boy!

TeaTree Photography said...

I love loop love this post of yours Jen! What a beautiful idea to send off balloons. You are such a great mother and teach your children sooo much truth. What a blessing you are to them! Love you.

Anonymous said...

Andrew was meant to be here for a short time. How fortunate for him to be part of your family. As you acknowledge, express, and accept your feelings, know that the depth of your pain comes from the deep joy of parenting Andrew.
Your candor and courage are inspiring, Jenny.