Andrew's Lullaby

My sister Sara wrote a song the days following Andrew's death to help her to cope.

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We miss...

I miss having to keep the dishwasher closed or it would get unloaded onto the ground. I miss snuggling and squeezing and kissing Andrew all of the time. I miss his chubby little hands holding mine. I miss his smile that he would freely give. I miss crayons thrown across the room. I miss Andrew sitting right on top of Travis' puzzle. I miss the kisses he would give Jared. I miss him crawling after Tanner into his room to play with him. I miss asking Aubree to put Andrew down. I miss Andrew pointing at everything around him that he wanted to touch. I miss his "talking" and saying "mama" and "dada." I miss having to pick little things off the ground. I miss buying tons of yogurt, bananas, and eggs. I miss feeding Andrew food and having him bite on the spoon with every bite and getting the biggest grin. I miss Andrew's deep belly laugh (he was so ticklish). I miss seeing Eric sit and hold Andrew on his lap, so content. I miss using a high chair and sippy cups.

I can't believe it has been almost three weeks. I never want to forget anything about Andrew (the picture above is a face Andrew would always do that we LOVED).

I am so thankful to have had such a perfect boy in our family and home. He has forever changed me. I am so grateful for the knowledge we have that I know I will see Andrew again. I am so excited for that day that I get to hug him again.

Most of theses pictures are from the day of Andrew's funeral.

A lady from my parents ward made us an awesome blanket.

Our Dad's were the pall bearers.

The UW dental school sent the flowers above. People have been so kind. It is really humbling to be receiving so much love and generosity from people (even people we don't know). This week Eric's dental school class bought a parking pass for our family, so we can visit Eric at school. It will be really nice to be able to see Eric more often. This week seemed pretty long. It is really weird trying to move on with life. We have had our good and bad times, but we have pictures of Andrew all around our house, and it helps me remember he is OK. The pictures remind me what is important and what I'm striving for.

We had the amazing opportunity of meeting and spending time with Andrew's birth mom this weekend. She is so great; she is my hero. When I saw her, I could see so much resemblance of Andrew in her face. Her eyes were so much like Andrew's. Eric and I both felt like we had already known her. She is so special to us. Because of her, we had an angel boy in our home. She is so unselfish and loves Andrew so much that she blessed him with a dad. She has two kids, and they reminded me so much of Andrew. Eric and I both wanted to keep hugging her little boy that reminded us so much of Andrew. She shared with us a lot of her experiences and how she chose adoption and our family (I am going to dedicate this story to its own upcoming post).

I was really comforted to know how obvious the Lord's hand was in guiding Andrew to our family. How grateful I am that Heavenly Father trusted Eric and I with that amazing blessing of being his parents for those 14 months. Andrew is such a special boy.

A lady in my parents ward supplied us with balloons that we sent up to Andrew. It was cool for Aubree and Tanner to think they were sending the balloons to Andrew. Travis didn't want to let go of his, and we still have it.

The coffin Andrew was buried in came with a little teddy bear that has become Tanner's. He sleeps with it every night. The kids each have their own "Andrew stuffed animal" that they sleep with and snuggle with when they miss Andrew.

Aubree says the best prayers now. She has such a mature understanding of the importance of the Temple and being sealed there. Aubree always prays for Andrew and prays for us that we can have his love in our home. She sure misses her little brother.

We are so thankful for Andrew!

Somedays, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my arms full of this boy. I'll admit, he hasn't been put down that much in the last three weeks.

The Unexpected Teacher

We are back home in Seattle now. It has been a lot different, as you can imagine. I don't even know where to start with this post, but we want everyone to know how thankful we are for all the love, support, and prayers that have been sent our way. People have been so kind and it is very humbling. We left Spokane (where my parents live) last Monday to head to Wenatchee (where Eric's parents live) for the funeral which was to take place on Tuesday. There was a viewing on Monday evening and Eric's mom had made an outfit and blanket for Andrew to be buried in. Eric and his parents dressed Andrew and got him all ready. I knew that I wasn't going to be able to do that. I didn't think I would be able to see him, but once they had Andrew dressed, Eric and I took the opportunity to see him. Everything is still pretty unreal to me. While we were at the viewing we got a phone call from our case worker - we have worked with him for all of our adoptions. He told us that Andrew's Birth Mom had been checking our blog every other day since Andrew was born. She had wanted a closed adoption (she didn't want to see Andrew or meet us because it would be too hard for her). She had happened to move right before Andrew died, so she hadn't heard. So when our case worker called her, she had a really hard time. She decided to come out for Andrew's funeral, and we were really excited to meet her. She is so special to us, and she blessed us with being parents to a really special angel boy.

The funeral was Tuesday morning at 11 in Wenatchee. We both were planning on speaking. I was going to speak about Andrew and bear my testimony, and Eric was doing more of a doctrinal talk. That morning, Eric and I got blessings from our dads, and we were both blessed with many things, but especially comfort. I still can't believe the amount of comfort we were blessed with. Days before this, if I even saw Andrew's binky or blanket I would lose it, but I was so blessed with comfort this day. The Spirit really blessed Eric and me to feel peace and love.

A few days after Andrew died, I felt like I was forgetting things about him. I took a few hours one night and started typing all the things that I didn't want to forget. Andrew had such a fun/sweet personality, and I didn't want to forget anything. I ended up using that list for my talk. I love talking about Andrew, and I love it even more when people can share that love with us. Eric did an amazing job on his talk, and the music was awesome. The Spirit was really strong, and we really wanted to portray how grateful we were to have had such a special boy in our home for the last 14 months.

Andrew's birth mom came to the funeral but stayed out in the foyer. Eric went to invite her in and got to meet her. He said she looked a lot like Andrew. I wish I could've met her. I thought she was going to come in, and she ended up leaving before it finished, so I wasn't able to meet her. She left some things for Andrew at his grave. We are excited for the opportunity to be able to get to know her now. We are going to meet her this coming weekend.

After the funeral services, we went to the grave site, and Eric's dad dedicated the grave. The kids released balloons for Andrew. Then the family headed back to the church for a luncheon.

We are so grateful to everyone who made the effort to come to Andrew's funeral. We had a few great friends from our days in Pullman who came to support us. We had a lot of family travel across Montana, Idaho, and Utah to be there. Thank you!

Since Andrew died, whenever I have had a need or have thought of something that needed to get done, someone has always taken care of it for us. Eric's Dad took care of all of the funeral arrangements, my friend Tara did the program for the funeral, my friend Jennifer edited pictures and got them all ordered and framed for the funeral, Eric's mom made Andrew's burial clothes, my brother Tom has emailed us the right talk (by President Kimball) or said the right thing, Stacy Julian made us an amazing memory book, Stephanie Waite was so helpful and gave me hope, my parent's ward brought meal after meal, my mom's friend Whitney gave us tons of balloons for the gravesite, we have gotten cards and letters and messages from hundreds of people, and there are tons more people out there that have been an answer to our prayers.

Right after Andrew died, my mom had done all of his laundry and put his clothes away so we wouldn't have to worry about it. Getting home I found a basket of laundry that still had Andrew's dirty clothes in it. They still smelled like him. Oh, we miss him.

THE UNEXPECTED TEACHER

A baby, from unexpected circumstances,
teaches us humility.
A boy, with unexpected authority,
teaches us correct principles.
A man, through unexpected cruelty,
teaches us the true meaning of love.

An angel, from unexpected parents,
needed love upon this earth.
This angel, with unexpected timing,
finished his mission on the earth.
Our angel, through unexpected separation,
teaches us the greatest lesson of all...
To Depend Upon the Savior

Written by Jon Wilson (my brother)

Thank You and We Love You

This week has been the longest/hardest week we have ever had. We left Seattle last Friday to go to Wenatchee for Eric's brothers mission "farewell". We headed to Spokane on Monday afternoon so we could spend Christmas with my family. We got in around 6:30pm. My family was all there, and it was so fun to see them. Sara, my sister, had flown home to Spokane early, so she was extra excited to see our family again. She held Andrew, fed him, let him touch whatever he wanted (ornaments, lights, decorations), and then laid him down in bed at about 7:30. We played games, hung out, and all went to bed. I got up the next morning and fed Jared. Just as I finished feeding him, Sara ran down the stairs yelling for someone to go get Andrew (she didn't want to yell "Andrew is dead"). She had gone to get him out of bed, and when she felt him, she could tell he had passed away. We ran upstairs, I called 911, but he had been gone for a while. The EMT's called it SIDS. We were in a state of shock.

We said a lot of prayers, family prayers, couple prayers, personal prayers. The day before we had decided to go to the temple, so Eric and I decided to stick with our plan and go. The session was supposed to start at 11:15, and we walked into the temple at 11:19. The Brother who checked our recommends told us the next session would be at 12:30, but as he was telling us that, a man stepped up and said they would hold the session for us if we'd hurry. I had thought my Mom had called to tell them to hold the session for us and told them what had happened. We made it, and cried through most of the session. I appreciated more where we were and the covenants that we have made. After the session, I waited for Eric and his brother Brian (who came to Spokane with us and leaves for his mission to Uruguay on Wednesday) in the foyer. As they came out, the Temple President came out and asked us if we'd like to meet with him in his office. He ended up giving us amazing blessings with awesome promises and they provided a lot of comfort. I am so grateful for the priesthood and its power.

We miss Andrew so much. We miss his smile, his Spirit, his laugh, holding him, kissing him and so much more. We miss watching Andrew interact with his siblings. He had such a special and unique relationship with each one of his siblings. He already knew how to be soft with Jared and he would give him a "kiss" on the head and then give us a cheesy smile. Life is weird with only four kids. It doesn't feel right, but we are so much more grateful for the four we still have with us.

We will never be the same. We are grateful for the gospel and the knowledge that it blesses us with that we will see Andrew again and be able to raise him. We are so thankful for the 14 months that we had Andrew in our home. He changed us. We now have a physical investment that gives us major incentive to live our lives so we can be with Andrew again.

The kids are doing good. Aubree has a lot of questions and misses him a lot. Tanner and Travis both talk about Andrew being in heaven with Heavenly Father.

We have been blown away by the amount of love and support that people have shown to us. We appreciate it more than you know. We have been blessed with tons of food, cards, people calling and stopping by, flowers, and tons of hugs. We wish we could personally tell everyone thank you, but there are so many people who have reached out to us. Please know that we sincerely and deeply appreciate your kind words, thoughts, prayers, and gifts. Eric went to get me some flowers at the store and the lady asked what the occasion was. After he told her, she said she would give him a deal. He picked out a beautiful bouquet of roses and she gave them to him, no charge.

When we have been having a hard time, we just read through the comments that have been left and we are comforted by your love, prayers, and support. My favorite things are the people who have seen him and know him and tell me things they love about him, like his lips, smile, and eyes.

Eric's family ended up coming to my parents house to celebrate Christmas together. Our families are so wonderful. They have blessed us with so much love and so much support. Andrew's funeral is going to be on Tuesday in Wenatchee.

I can sit and look at pictures and video of Andrew all day. This is my favorite video. Tanner has him laughing so hard that he is crying.

Andrew Josiah Nygard- Our Angel

Andrew passed away last night in his sleep. He is such a special boy and we are so grateful to have been able to have him in our lives. We are so thankful for the knowledge we have that he is sealed to our family.

Families are Forever!

Done! Gingerbread! 3 Months! Birthday! Zoo! Swimming!

Eric finished his quarter last night. I think he had close to 10 finals. He was pretty worn out by the time he got home yesterday. We had a party to celebrate with root beer floats.

Travis loves ice cream and root beer, so root beer floats are his new favorite. Tanner drank his so fast I didn't even get a picture of him.

Eric was pretty excited to be done. He is so great! We will make sure and relax a lot before he starts again in three weeks.

We love you Sara!!! Andrew follows Sara everywhere. They are such buds.

Aubs went to her cousin, Maycie's princess party and had tons of fun. I love Aubree's forced camera smile. She is so funny.

I didn't get the groceries put away before I had to feed Jared and this is what I found. Andrew is starting to get into everything more and more. He loves to undo the toilet paper rolls, take clothes out of baskets, and "clean" out the cupboards.

For FHE we decorated gingerbread houses. I always have the best of intentions of making them look nice, but it's too hard. So... at least the kids had fun.

Jared turned 3 months old on Tuesday. I can't believe he is already that old. He fits so perfectly into our family. He is such a good and happy baby. He is now sleeping almost 11 hours a night and it is heavenly. He is smiling a ton, starting to "talk" more and more, and beginning to laugh.

Here Jared is about to laugh. He is so cute!

Andrew is a big doll to Aubree. She is always playing with him, carrying him around, and putting him in her stroller. He actually likes hanging out in her stroller. Andrew is such a sweet boy!

Travis turned 3 last week. He still says he is 2 and Tanner is 3, but it helped for him to see a 3 on his cake. We did two cakes this year for Trav. One with Eric on the weekend and one on the day of his birthday. While we were singing to Trav, Eric is on our laptop (google video chat) singing along. Travis loved his bear cake (Aubs went crazy with the sprinkles).

Travis is going through a stage of dressing himself over and over. He wakes up from his nap with his clothes backwards, inside out, or different clothes altogether. In the pic above you can see the tag of his undershirt. I am sure his pants were on backwards too. At least he dresses himself... at least that is what I tell myself.

On Travis' birthday he wanted to go to the zoo. It was really cold and rainy outside, so we went to the zoomasium.

Zoomasium

Travis' first cake (brownies).

The neck on his spiderman pj's is so stretched out because he likes to take it off pulling it down around his shoulders.

Cute boys. Tanner is such a good big brother. His little brothers really look up to him and copy everything he does.

Last years Christmas sweaters.

Aubree is the best big sister!

Aubree, Tanner, and Travis have been taking swimming lessons and loved it!

Aubs graduated to the 2nd level and is so close to swimming.

Tanner loves to splash and has no fear.

We are leaving this week for Christmas break. We are grateful to be able to celebrate the birth of our Savior. We hope you are all well and have a wonderful Christmas!!!