Comforted

This week has been better than last week. We are doing good most of the time, but we still have our moments. We have appreciated so much the love and support we have continued to feel. Aubree loves getting the mail and seeing what we get. People have been so kind and wonderful to us. The cards, flowers, calls, letters, emails, prayers, and packages have meant so much.

This girl is amazing. She just turned 5 and acts like she is a teenager. Eric and I have been approached by three different people from the primary in our ward at church who wanted to tell us how much of an angel Aubree is. Travis started Sunbeams this year and is sometimes sad about not being able to go to nursery to play with the toys. They said that whenever Travis is sad, she goes over to him, hugs him, and rubs his hair. And when Tanner gets a little rambunctious, she calms him down. Aubree knows more about the spirit world and the importance in the temple than I knew when I started college.

Aubree loved taking care of Andrew. She took care of so many of his needs. When he would climb up the stairs, she would put him on her lap and slide down the stairs with him. Whenever she is around kids Andrew's age, she tries to carry them around and baby them just like she would Andrew.

A lot of these pictures are from before Christmas break I haven't wanted to start doing normal posts again. Travis found the halloween paints and painted his face to look like a tiger.

Eric's mom made the kids scrubs for their birthdays. It is cute to hear the kids say they are dentists, not doctors.

Eric's mom is an amazing seamstress. She made Aubs and her cousin, Maycie, matching Christmas dresses.

Trav found a gingerbread apron and hat that belonged to Grandma Nygard, and he wanted to try it on. He is so cute and fun.

This picture of Aubree was the night of her birthday (the last picture I have before Andrew died). We were giving her presents. This was just after we put Andrew to bed.

Christmas had a lot different spirit this year. It was a lot easier to focus on what Christmas is really about. Our Christmases will forever be changed, with a more meaningful focus.

We planned on having a family birthday party for Aubs the day after we got there. She was really missing Andrew and having a tough time understanding things. She just wanted to sit on Eric's lap and ask questions about Andrew and our family.

Instead of having her go to the table to blow out her candles, we brought the cake to her. She just buried her face in Eric's chest, as we sang to her, and when we finished singing, she looked at Eric and with a quivering lip said, "Dad, it doesn't seem fair. Why do I get to have my fifth birthday party right now, but Andrew only got one birthday? I don't want to have my birthday party right now." She is a special girl; we love our Aubree!

We celebrated Christmas with Eric and my families all together. My family has a tradition of acting out the Christmas story.

The first weekend of December some friends from Pullman, who are starting a photography business, took some family pictures for us.

Eric is so wonderful. He has been such a strength and example to me. He is the perfect shoulder to cry on and knows exactly what to say to help me. He is the best!

Tanner is growing up too fast. He likes to tell people that is 14 instead of 4. Tanner would always try to get Andrew to come into his room to play with him. They could play for a long time, just the two of them. Andrew would climb on Tanner's bed and then Tanner would bounce him and make him giggle. They both would come out with red cheeks from playing so hard. Tanner was so good at making Andrew laugh.

Travis would ask where Andrew was for the first week after he passed away, but now he just tells us he is in Heaven with Heavenly Father. Then he says "I miss my buddy boy." Andrew would always pull Travis' hair, so sometimes still, Travis will be crying for some reason and say, "Andrew pulled my hair." Andrew sure is missed.

Classic Trav

I love this picture of Eric and his boys. Eric is such a great dad!

We've been trying to keep the kids busy. We have been doing extra crafts, decorating cookies, and painting. Aubree, especially seems to do better that way.

I have grown such a new appreciation for the Atonement and our Savior. The amount of comfort that we have been blessed with has been amazing. The hardest part for me now, is that I am forgetting details about Andrew, and I miss him. It has been such a blessing to have as many pictures of Andrew as we have of him. I really don't want the kids to forget him. We watch a DVD of him at least once a day.

Jared turned 4 months old this last week. He weighs just over 14lbs and is so much fun. He is laughing and "talking" all of the time.

My friend is teaching me photography, so I have been practicing shooting in manual. It is talent that I want to get good at.

MEMORY: I loved it when Andrew would wake up from his nap and we would hear him bang his binky's against the wall. It would and still does bring a smile to our faces.

Andrew's Lullaby

My sister Sara wrote a song the days following Andrew's death to help her to cope.

(New Post Below)

We miss...

I miss having to keep the dishwasher closed or it would get unloaded onto the ground. I miss snuggling and squeezing and kissing Andrew all of the time. I miss his chubby little hands holding mine. I miss his smile that he would freely give. I miss crayons thrown across the room. I miss Andrew sitting right on top of Travis' puzzle. I miss the kisses he would give Jared. I miss him crawling after Tanner into his room to play with him. I miss asking Aubree to put Andrew down. I miss Andrew pointing at everything around him that he wanted to touch. I miss his "talking" and saying "mama" and "dada." I miss having to pick little things off the ground. I miss buying tons of yogurt, bananas, and eggs. I miss feeding Andrew food and having him bite on the spoon with every bite and getting the biggest grin. I miss Andrew's deep belly laugh (he was so ticklish). I miss seeing Eric sit and hold Andrew on his lap, so content. I miss using a high chair and sippy cups.

I can't believe it has been almost three weeks. I never want to forget anything about Andrew (the picture above is a face Andrew would always do that we LOVED).

I am so thankful to have had such a perfect boy in our family and home. He has forever changed me. I am so grateful for the knowledge we have that I know I will see Andrew again. I am so excited for that day that I get to hug him again.

Most of theses pictures are from the day of Andrew's funeral.

A lady from my parents ward made us an awesome blanket.

Our Dad's were the pall bearers.

The UW dental school sent the flowers above. People have been so kind. It is really humbling to be receiving so much love and generosity from people (even people we don't know). This week Eric's dental school class bought a parking pass for our family, so we can visit Eric at school. It will be really nice to be able to see Eric more often. This week seemed pretty long. It is really weird trying to move on with life. We have had our good and bad times, but we have pictures of Andrew all around our house, and it helps me remember he is OK. The pictures remind me what is important and what I'm striving for.

We had the amazing opportunity of meeting and spending time with Andrew's birth mom this weekend. She is so great; she is my hero. When I saw her, I could see so much resemblance of Andrew in her face. Her eyes were so much like Andrew's. Eric and I both felt like we had already known her. She is so special to us. Because of her, we had an angel boy in our home. She is so unselfish and loves Andrew so much that she blessed him with a dad. She has two kids, and they reminded me so much of Andrew. Eric and I both wanted to keep hugging her little boy that reminded us so much of Andrew. She shared with us a lot of her experiences and how she chose adoption and our family (I am going to dedicate this story to its own upcoming post).

I was really comforted to know how obvious the Lord's hand was in guiding Andrew to our family. How grateful I am that Heavenly Father trusted Eric and I with that amazing blessing of being his parents for those 14 months. Andrew is such a special boy.

A lady in my parents ward supplied us with balloons that we sent up to Andrew. It was cool for Aubree and Tanner to think they were sending the balloons to Andrew. Travis didn't want to let go of his, and we still have it.

The coffin Andrew was buried in came with a little teddy bear that has become Tanner's. He sleeps with it every night. The kids each have their own "Andrew stuffed animal" that they sleep with and snuggle with when they miss Andrew.

Aubree says the best prayers now. She has such a mature understanding of the importance of the Temple and being sealed there. Aubree always prays for Andrew and prays for us that we can have his love in our home. She sure misses her little brother.

We are so thankful for Andrew!

Somedays, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my arms full of this boy. I'll admit, he hasn't been put down that much in the last three weeks.

The Unexpected Teacher

We are back home in Seattle now. It has been a lot different, as you can imagine. I don't even know where to start with this post, but we want everyone to know how thankful we are for all the love, support, and prayers that have been sent our way. People have been so kind and it is very humbling. We left Spokane (where my parents live) last Monday to head to Wenatchee (where Eric's parents live) for the funeral which was to take place on Tuesday. There was a viewing on Monday evening and Eric's mom had made an outfit and blanket for Andrew to be buried in. Eric and his parents dressed Andrew and got him all ready. I knew that I wasn't going to be able to do that. I didn't think I would be able to see him, but once they had Andrew dressed, Eric and I took the opportunity to see him. Everything is still pretty unreal to me. While we were at the viewing we got a phone call from our case worker - we have worked with him for all of our adoptions. He told us that Andrew's Birth Mom had been checking our blog every other day since Andrew was born. She had wanted a closed adoption (she didn't want to see Andrew or meet us because it would be too hard for her). She had happened to move right before Andrew died, so she hadn't heard. So when our case worker called her, she had a really hard time. She decided to come out for Andrew's funeral, and we were really excited to meet her. She is so special to us, and she blessed us with being parents to a really special angel boy.

The funeral was Tuesday morning at 11 in Wenatchee. We both were planning on speaking. I was going to speak about Andrew and bear my testimony, and Eric was doing more of a doctrinal talk. That morning, Eric and I got blessings from our dads, and we were both blessed with many things, but especially comfort. I still can't believe the amount of comfort we were blessed with. Days before this, if I even saw Andrew's binky or blanket I would lose it, but I was so blessed with comfort this day. The Spirit really blessed Eric and me to feel peace and love.

A few days after Andrew died, I felt like I was forgetting things about him. I took a few hours one night and started typing all the things that I didn't want to forget. Andrew had such a fun/sweet personality, and I didn't want to forget anything. I ended up using that list for my talk. I love talking about Andrew, and I love it even more when people can share that love with us. Eric did an amazing job on his talk, and the music was awesome. The Spirit was really strong, and we really wanted to portray how grateful we were to have had such a special boy in our home for the last 14 months.

Andrew's birth mom came to the funeral but stayed out in the foyer. Eric went to invite her in and got to meet her. He said she looked a lot like Andrew. I wish I could've met her. I thought she was going to come in, and she ended up leaving before it finished, so I wasn't able to meet her. She left some things for Andrew at his grave. We are excited for the opportunity to be able to get to know her now. We are going to meet her this coming weekend.

After the funeral services, we went to the grave site, and Eric's dad dedicated the grave. The kids released balloons for Andrew. Then the family headed back to the church for a luncheon.

We are so grateful to everyone who made the effort to come to Andrew's funeral. We had a few great friends from our days in Pullman who came to support us. We had a lot of family travel across Montana, Idaho, and Utah to be there. Thank you!

Since Andrew died, whenever I have had a need or have thought of something that needed to get done, someone has always taken care of it for us. Eric's Dad took care of all of the funeral arrangements, my friend Tara did the program for the funeral, my friend Jennifer edited pictures and got them all ordered and framed for the funeral, Eric's mom made Andrew's burial clothes, my brother Tom has emailed us the right talk (by President Kimball) or said the right thing, Stacy Julian made us an amazing memory book, Stephanie Waite was so helpful and gave me hope, my parent's ward brought meal after meal, my mom's friend Whitney gave us tons of balloons for the gravesite, we have gotten cards and letters and messages from hundreds of people, and there are tons more people out there that have been an answer to our prayers.

Right after Andrew died, my mom had done all of his laundry and put his clothes away so we wouldn't have to worry about it. Getting home I found a basket of laundry that still had Andrew's dirty clothes in it. They still smelled like him. Oh, we miss him.

THE UNEXPECTED TEACHER

A baby, from unexpected circumstances,
teaches us humility.
A boy, with unexpected authority,
teaches us correct principles.
A man, through unexpected cruelty,
teaches us the true meaning of love.

An angel, from unexpected parents,
needed love upon this earth.
This angel, with unexpected timing,
finished his mission on the earth.
Our angel, through unexpected separation,
teaches us the greatest lesson of all...
To Depend Upon the Savior

Written by Jon Wilson (my brother)